Rush – 2112
1976

Our Mission: To poorly go where many half-assed drag queens have gone before!
Next Stop: Planet WhatTheFuckWereYouThinking of the Hideous System.

Apparently, Rush’s twisted view of 105 years into the future includes the regular wear of pajamas. While this fashion choice is often (and bewilderingly) as much a staple of science fiction societies as flying cars and pill food, the pajama wardrobe of most of these tales is not nearly as lavish as in the Temples of Syrinx.

First we’ve got Alex “Camel Toe” Lifeson, looking like the all-too-willing transvestite that haunts seedy street corners (and my subconscious), just two tricks away from the pre-op/post-op transition. Luckily, his lovely, shimmering golden locks take just enough attention away from his creepy “Put the fucking lotion in the basket bitch!” eyes.

Next in line is Neil Peart, who seems to be attempting his best Hugh Hefner impression. That is, if Hugh Hefner was a grizzled Army roughneck taking some much needed R&R in the Orient. If I have but one wish for the future, it’s that Peart’s Business-Up-Front-Party-In-The-Rear coif becomes a mere line in a history book about cultural mistakes. From my lips to God’s ascot.

And finally, there’s Geddy Lee. Sure, the man’s a bass dynamo, but really he could be wearing an Armani tux and look frightening. So the glorified doctor scrubs he’s been given for this shoot were probably just an afterthought.

To make it to 2112, I’d have to live to be 133 years old. Thank Christ for that. I think I’ll skip Cryogenics.