Clown Pong Dirt Farts YES!
Equally Catchy Band Monikers to Name Your Child
“Congratulations folks; you have a baby girl!” “Oh my god sweetie, she’s so beautiful!” “I know, she looks like a little angel!” “What are we going to name her?” “Well, call me crazy, but I think she looks like a…
20 Completely False Facts About United States Presidents
1. In a fit of rage, 6th President of the United States John Quincy Adams once killed a grizzly bear with his bare hands. He then devoured the heart and made a necklace out of the fangs and claws that…
A Lame Email Solicitation as Written by an Extremely Disturbed Schizophrenic
Hey anonymous cool guy, were you the one sending me the messages asking me, a complete stranger to you, about how I make money on the internet? Did Lord Mordechai Xavier tell you about it or something? I usually try…
There Ain’t Too Much Sadder Than the Tears of a Clown, When He’s Bleeding Internally
Two clowns shot dead at circus This one just kind of makes you wonder. Not about what kind of a world we live in or the depravation of society, mind you, but the real, hard-hitting thoughts and questions. For instance,…
An Important Message from the Mnemonic Institute of America, or Many Ingénues Accessorize
We at the Mnemonic Institute of America realize the growing concerns that have stemmed from the recent international decision to set specific criteria for planetary bodies and, more importantly, what that means for the future of teaching children the names…
Thank You Science!
Additional Startling Discoveries That Science Will Uncover In Addition To The Fact That Jesus Walked On Ice And Not Water Jesus did not turn water into wine. Jesus spruced up water into water with lemon zest. The wedding party was…
Things You Don’t Want to Hear While Taking Part in a Focus Group
“By the end of this session, two of you will fall in love, and one of you will be dead.” “OK, at this point, the mescaline we put in your soda is probably kicking in, so let’s get started.” “So…
Planet Hollywood Finally Rests in Peace
You’re a star-belly sneech you suck like a leech You want everyone to act like you Kiss ass while you bitch so you can get rich But your boss gets richer on you Well you’ll work harder with a gun…
